The 6 Types of Facebook Status Updaters

Before I start, I want to stress how incredible it is that almost every status fits into these six categories. All the examples I use were grabbed from the first two pages of status updates on my news feed (going back to a status posted 14 hours ago.)

I use Facebook a lot. I try and stay away from it but no matter what I tell myself, it's a god damn useful site. It easily allows me to reconnect with old friends, stay in touch with new ones, and adds a whole new level of social awkwardness to friendships. Hell, you can even now get stalked by your parents as adults start to latch onto the site.

There are more features, of course, but the one you see when you first log onto Facebook is the Status Update feature. It allows people to post little one-liners, links, etc. that all their friends see. Status updates intrigue me because they're all very similar (and, to be honest, some of them are just so stupid. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'll throw in a stupid update once in a while.) After some real quick research of the last 14 hours of friend's status updates, I came up with the following six categories, as well as a few examples for each:

1) The "My Chemical Romance" emo updater
  • "I want to go home."
  • "Gym then homework for the rest of my life :("
  • I think I have drank (drunk?) my body weight in coffee in the past few hours DAMN YOU BIOLOGY BOOK!!
2) The unnecessary information/why do I want or need to know this giver/person
  • "why am i still awake"
  • "enough trying to sleep. gym then run"
  • "*sigh* tired *sigh*"
  • "ah. finally.. 6 hours of sleep yay!"
3) The random quote lover
  • "SPIDER PIG SPIDER PIG Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does Can he swing From a web No he cant He's a pig ... LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!! He is a SPIDER PIG!!"
  • "I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and I'm all out of bubble gum."
4) The song lyric poster
  • "Heaven is... a girl that makes dreams come true!"
  • "you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not"
  • *Note: Yes, they are usually shitty songs, as evidenced here: Def Leppard and Taylor Swift. I guess it really depends on your friends.
5) The interactive updater
  • "Writing a policy memo on Southeast Asian and how the International community can help combat terrorism without weakening state sovereignty. Ideas?"
6) The link poster/news breaker
  • "My man Chris does a good interview. RT @SPINmagazine Chris Frantz on Talking Heads & More | Spin Magazine Online"
  • "Grammar Girl's grammar devotional is out & gorgeous. Enter to win a copy by tweet w/ words Grammar Devotional and link:"
  • ""
Feel free to comment and let me know if you are aware of some more awesome status update categories.